“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” -Eckhart Tolle
I was a senior in high school and just weeks away from crossing that imaginary finish line to mark the end of being a kid. I was bursting at the seams with excitement in anticipation for this day to come because naively I thought the minute I officially graduated high school, all my painful childhood problems would vanish and my life would restart with a fresh clean slate in this new stage called adulthood.
Well I was wrong.
Not only was there no clean slate, but things were about to get a lot messier. A lot more complicated. And A LOT more painful.
It was late afternoon on a weekday in early June. I was obsessively trying to cram several textbooks into my brain for the upcoming provincial exams when my mom came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed. She looked flustered and disoriented, and with a trembling voice she said,
“Cherrie…..I need to tell you something…”. She swallowed hard as if the words were lodged in her throat and after a long pause, she slowly whispered, “Your dad…..he…..tried to end his own life today…..He’s alright…..but…..I don’t know what will happen in the future and I need you to be strong.”
Several months before, my dad had been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder. And in the months leading up to his attempt to leave us behind he had completely isolated himself from the world and refused to let even the closest people in.
The suicide attempt was only the beginning of the long and treacherous journey ahead. One filled with turbulent moods, battles of addiction, and failed attempts to try to keep our family from shattering into a million pieces.
At times it stung so deep I opted to block everything out and pretended like it never happened. And when I had the courage to face it, I was overwhelmed with emotions that I didn’t know what to do with.
It has been a tough battle for the past 14 years, and although my dad’s illness is still very prominent today, I have learned many lessons along the way that keep me moving forward each day in hopes of giving him strength to continue his life better than the way it was yesterday.
Here are the top 7 life lessons I’ve learned from our struggles:
1. Don’t keep things bottled up
Our emotions need an outlet and keeping everything locked up in an iron safe behind a brick wall goes against our souls desire. Suppressing negative feelings is like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, and the aftermath doesn’t do anybody any good.
2. Let go of the past
Don’t cry over spilt milk. What’s happened has happened and there is nothing you can do to change the past. Forget the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s and take past hurt as an experience to learn and grow from.
3. Live in the now
Each day brings with it a special gift. Be present and treasure each moment as it is happening. Release any desire to add in excess baggage from the past or worries about the future.
4. Look for the positive in negative situations
The glass can either be half empty or half full. Looking at the good things amongst bad circumstances brings a whole new perspective of abundance that can prevent you from falling into a downward spiral of negative thoughts. It can also trigger the release of oxytoxin, “the happy hormone” in the brain.
5. Overcome your fears
Fear is an essential part of life, but how you deal with it can either leave you frozen dead in your tracks or propel you to new heights. Step out of your comfort zone and discover your potential of doing great things. [tweet this].
6. Trust that everything will work out
Believe that everything happens for a reason and that no obstacle is too difficult for you to overcome. As painful as things may be now, know that something bigger and better is waiting for you on the other side. So keep moving forward no matter how small the steps.
7. Be grateful
Look beyond what currently isn’t working and count your blessings on everything you DO have.
Every day, I am grateful that my dad is still alive and I have the opportunity to inspire him to make it better.
So with Father’s Day just a few days away, I dedicate this post to my Dad and to everyone who is facing some tough challenges or has a friend or family member stuck at a roadblock in their life.
Be Strong. Be Brave. Be Resilient.
Now I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What ah-ha’s have you gotten from negative events in your life?
Helping modern families reduce the 2 BIGGEST stressors in growing a family is what my husband and I are incredibly passionate about.
Mle says
June 12, 2014 at 9:27 pmI truly believe that we are challenged in every stage of our lives. But these challenges are only put before us because on some greater level, we are only challenged with what we truly are capable of handling. In our darkest moments it may not feel like we can push forward BUT somehow we are given the strength, the courage and the power to take the bull by the horns and plow through.
Dwelling, masking, blaming and ignoring doesn’t make us stronger and doesn’t make us resilient because it doesn’t prepare us for the next shitty ass challenge. Only when you resonate from it will It equip us and prepare us with what is going to happen next. We may not learn what we are supposed to learn within minutes, days or even years, but one day when you least expect it and when you start reflecting, you see how everything does happen for a reason and find comfort in the tragedies, the battles and the challenges you faced.
I for one did not always make the soundest choices in friends. I knew they were bad, but I was still friends with them anyways. I never in a million years thought what they do to others, they could do to me (I was quite privileged with a lot of information, stories and details-on some level maybe I thought I was above others because I was privy).
I learned that the hard way when my so called bestfriend decided to make a quick buck or two ( still don’t know to this day what the true reasons were behind all this). To make a very long story short, a group of guys tried to extort my family. I lived in fear for the next two weeks while everything was happening and one day they caught them. Because one of the guys was my ex bestie it wasn’t hard to id the ppl calling the house. As a result, I had to testify against them in court and oh gosh was that difficult.
For years I struggled with the whys and drove myself crazy trying to search for answers. It should be simple. I should have felt relief and should have felt hatred but I was soo torn and so broken. I was soo conflicted with the emotions I felt for my ex bestie ( I truly cared a lot about him) and yet felt so torn with what he had done to me. These feelings consumed me for years and eventually I just burried them.
It wasn’t until I was ready that I realized that no justifications, no explanations, no answers will truly release me until I forgave myself, forgave him and wished him the best. It wasn’t until then that i as able to heal and learn from all this.
I no longer live in fear, I am more cautious and aware of my surroundings and I have since channeled my past experience ( understanding criminal behavior) into a career –of course in the process I learned a lot about myself too.
I do believe everything happens for a reason and sincerely believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. The past is the past and the past does play a role in who you are today BUT it is how you move from it that shapes your future.
Umm.. Yah..so my comment turned into a long winded story.–sorry! But feels amazing to share! I guess we should never be embarrassed to share our darkest moments. We are never alone!
Xoxoxo my allergic fruit
Cherrie says
June 12, 2014 at 11:34 pmThanks love for sharing such a painful time in your life. It must have been such a hard time for you and your family.
Forgiveness is such an important part of our healing. But you are absolutely right it comes in its own time and space, and it’s not something we can rush. We are human and we all go through ups and downs. The key is to find supportive outlets that let you be vulnerable in a safe space, and I’m glad this post resonated with you. *hugs*
Ellen says
June 13, 2014 at 4:43 pmThanks for sharing Cherri. That took a lot of courage. It’s through adversity that we learn resilience. We are of course a product of our childhood but we can make better choices as adults for our selves and choose to be happy in this life and not weighed down by our past. I’m posting your 7 lessons by my desk to remind me to be present and mindful and always grateful. Thanks!
Cherrie says
June 16, 2014 at 12:14 pmHi Ellen,
So happy to hear my 7 lessons resonated with you. Now you know why I am so passionate about wellness and our next generation! Absolutely agree that we should learn from our past and make better choices.